Trying to plan ahead for the holidays and realizing we’re in a new phase around here. Oh, and we still have no idea what we’ll be doing on Thanksgiving. 
For so many years, we went to Oklahoma to spend the holidays with my husband’s aunt and grandparents. Then, they all passed away just prior to Thanksgiving in 2019. That year we had a quiet Thanksgiving at my brother’s home. In 2020, we celebrated with just my husband’s sister,her husband and my nephew. We cooked the traditional meal.
Honestly, last year I lost touch with quite a few family members. I just didn’t have the mental space (not sure I do yet) for political arguments and family dramas. That’s not to say I don’t miss those family members very much. I wonder how much the boys are missing out on by the lack of time spent with extended family at the typical holiday gatherings. Or maybe I’m just feeling sentimental for bygone times and traditions.
It’s occurred to me that I’m very much missing the family we used to visit and spend every Thanksgiving with in Oklahoma. That perhaps I never quite processed those losses as they all happened in one year and rather suddenly and unexpectedly. Perhaps we need just a quiet holiday with just the four of us this year. Someday, I know (or at least hope) it will be us with the boys and their families, a full gathering once again. It’s just a strange phase again this year.
Christmas Planning 
I’ve tried throughout the year to do a little early Christmas shopping as well. My struggles aren’t so much related to the whole supply chain thing as the strange phase thing. Maybe I just miss the toy departments. Or those annual strolls through Toys R Us (of course, those stores are long gone in these parts).
My mind’s blocked the negative, crazy stress of over tired young children parts and I look back fondly on the Christmas Eve parties my in-laws held each year (appetizer food only which my husband never liked but I loved). Christmas mornings over there, afternoons/evenings spent with my side of the family. Dinners alternated.
Then those days morphed into Christmas Eve sometimes spent with my husband’s family but mostly spent at home (Well, I usually shop most of the day. One of my weird, favorite ways to spend the day.) And Christmas morning breakfast here with my them, then going to my brother’s home in the afternoons. Except for in 2019 when we actually hosted breakfast for my husband’s family here and then did a later dinner also here for my side of the family. A holiday I so very much enjoyed. Too bad 2020 had to come along with it’s great big wrench (sledge hammer?) for holiday planning.
New For This Year
As I mentioned, Thanksgiving is completely up in the air at this point though it’s looking close to being just the four of us. Hard for me to envision especially as someone who grew up celebrating holidays as the youngest of 5.
My sister-in-law and her family talked of maybe coming up from their new home in Florida to celebrate the holidays in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. However, that’s the only information I have as of now. Using it as an excuse, however, to clean and decorate this basement area for Christmas. If they do come, I know my nephew will likely want to stay with us.
I’ve always kind of wanted to host a hot chocolate open house for friends and family alike before Christmas. So that idea is simmering a bit in the back of my mind. However, J has many concert band related items on December weekends as well.
Christmas Eve is a potential band performance during a church service which makes me happy. I gave my blessing for the idea but it depends on how many others are available to perform. No idea how our Christmas might look, though I’ve done a fair amount of early shopping (and bought mostly clothes…boring) for the boys. I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that our days of 4:00AM Christmas starts are probably over.
Different is Okay
The lovely Christmas planning notebook I made myself back in January is mostly empty. Truth: I’ve only written on one page of it. Jotted down gift ideas. And wrote this sentence in it:
Christmas will look different this year and that’s okay.
Are the holidays on your mind? What old or new traditions do you look forward to this year?